The Snake That Ate New Jersey
by Bluecynder
Summary: a huge snake slithers its way out of dr. weird's lab! and its up to the aqua teens to solve the mystery of the huge snake that invades their neighbor hood sorta a prequel to super birthday snake.


"The Snake That Ate New Jersey"

-Laboratory Of Dr. Weird-

Dr. Weird-Gentlemen, behold!

The shutter slowly opens. Before it can open all the way, a giant snake bursts through the wall and eats Dr. Weird and Steve.

Dr. Weird-My horrorscope told me this would happen!

-Intro-

-ATHF House, Interior-

Meatwad is staring at the TV, his eyes bloodshot. Frylock comes into the living room.

Frylock-Good Morning, Meatwad.  
Meatwad-Morning.

Frylock walks into the kitchen, but takes a second look at Meatwad, especially his eyes.

Frylock-Meatwad, what are you doing?  
Meatwad-Watching the Mega Monster Movie Marathon on the Mega Monster Movie Channel.  
Frylock-Have you been up all night watching it?  
Meatwad-...No.  
Frylock-Meatwad, you know you're going to have nightmares.  
Meatwad-No, I won't.  
Frylock-Yeah, well, what about the time you said you wouldn't have nightmares after watching "Friday The 13th" or "Nightmare On Elm Street" or "Snow White and The Seven Dwarves"? They were dwarves, Meatwad.  
Meatwad-Yeah, well... They could have bitten my ankles.  
Frylock-You don't have ankles. (sighs) Nevermind. I'm getting the paper.

Frylock goes outside and picks up the paper, when he notices a huge, shedded snake skin in the street.

Frylock-Oh my god!  
Meatwad-What... what is it?

Meatwad goes outside.

Meatwad-Oh my god.  
Shake (from somewhere in the house)-What the hell is going on out there?!  
Meatwad-Nothing! Go back to sleep, ya bum!

Shake comes outside.

Shake-Bum, eh?! Well, how would you like a fist upside your head?!  
Frylock-Shake, could you shut up for one second?  
Shake-Shut up?! There is a great injustice at hand! YOU shut up!

Frylock starts to spin one of his fries, sonar style, as he gets closer to the skin.

Frylock-Hmm... I'm detecting that this skin has been shed somewhere in the last 12 hours.  
Shake-What is that?  
Frylock-It's a giant, shedded snake skin.  
Shake-Ohh... Can we burn it?  
Frylock-No, we cannot burn it. This skin is a great piece of scientific evidence. It proves that such things as giant snakes exist.  
Shake-So? (pulls out a lighter) I say we burn it.  
Frylock-No, Shake! You aren't going to burn it.  
Shake-But, if I did, your theory would be proven.  
Frylock-How so?  
Shake-Well, if I were to burn it, people from miles around would know about it, because, as everyone knows, the smoke of a burning snake skin is neon green.  
Frylock-And how do you know that?  
Shake-... I don't, so let me just burn it.

Shake clicks the lighter on.

Frylock-Shake, if you take one more stop towards that skin, I will blast your ass back to whatever wretched filth you crawled out of.  
Shake-...My mother?  
Frylock-(scowls) Meatwad, guard the skin. I'm going over to see if Carl saw anything.

Frylock walks off screen to Carl's house.

Shake-So... Can I burn it?  
Meatwad-You heard Frylock. I am to guard this snake skin with my life, even if it means my death... Or is it the other way around?  
Shake-Whatever... I'm going inside.

Shake goes inside, slamming the door behind him.

-Cut to Frylock-

Frylock knocks on Carl's front door, which is half way open.

Frylock-Carl, you in there?... Carl?

Frylock opens the door and the house is covered in snake skin.

Frylock-Holy crap!

Frylock looks around the house.

Frylock-Carl... Carl, you in here?

Frylock enters the bedroom, to find Carl, covered in saliva and "brown stains." Carl seems to look like he's half digested. He's laying on the floor, coughing.

Frylock-Carl! What happened?  
Carl-What does it look like happened, Einstein?! I'm covered in saliva and these... these... stains!  
Frylock-Well, Carl, those stains look like they're...  
Carl-NO! I know what they are! Just shut up!  
Frylock-Well, Carl, what did this to you?  
Carl-I don't know! One second, I'm enjoying some Girls Gone Wild, the next BAM! I'm being digested by some huge freakin' thing!  
Shake(enters the room)-Hey! What's going on over here! I am trying to enjoy a dolphin tuna sandwich and all I keep hearing is yelling!  
Frylock-Shake, more important things are happening. Carl has just survived being digested by a large creature of sorts, possibly the giant snake.  
Shake-What did I keep saying?! There is no giant snake!  
Frylock-Then, do you care to explain to me, what the giant snake skin is from?  
Shake-That... That is my.. wrapping paper.  
Frylock-For what?  
Shake-The present I got you.  
Frylock-Ohh yeah?... Then, what did you get me?  
Shake-I... I haven't gotten it yet?  
Frylock-(sighs)  
Carl-Hey! Can we get back to me and being half digested here?  
Shake-Fine, whatever!... I'm just wondering. What are those brown stains from?!  
Carl-They're none of your damn business! THAT'S what they are!

Frylock pulls out his sonar fry again.

Frylock-Hmm... This saliva and these...

Carl stares hard at Frylock.

Frylock-.."brown stains" don't seem to be from human. I'm going to have to take some samples to the lab.  
Shake-Good, because I need some peace and quiet... And more dolphin tuna.

-Later, in Frylock's bedroom-

Frylock-Hmm... Interesting.

Frylock is looking something up on his computer.

Meatwad (enters the bedroom)-Frylock, can you make me lunch?  
Frylock-I already made you lunch.  
Meatwad-Yeah, but Shake ate it.  
Frylock-Why did he eat it? Didn't he get more tuna?  
Meatwad-Yeah, well, he said that if I gave him my lunch, he would let me watch him burn the snake skin.  
Frylock-What?!

Frylock runs to the front door and opens it. Meatwad follows. The skin is ablaze, as Shake watches. Frylock and Meatwad go over to Shake.

Frylock-Damnit, Shake! What did I tell you to do?  
Shake-...Guard the skin?  
Frylock-No, I told Meatwad to do that. I told you not to burn the skin and what did you do?  
Shake-...Guarded the skin?  
Frylock-(sighs) That's it. Meatwad, since you failed, no Mega Monster Movies tonight.  
Meatwad-Ohhh... But, "Attack Of The Dead Hippie" was on tonight.  
Frylock-And, Shake, if I see anymore dolphin tuna, I will shove it where the sun don't shine.  
Shake-But, I need dolphin tuna to live. Me without dolphin tuna is like a fish without water, a man without air, umm... Captain without Tennelle.

Then, Carl yelling can be heard in the background.

Frylock-What's that?

ATHF goes into Carl's house and make their way into the bedroom. Carl is still laying on the floor. He is still yelling.

Frylock-Carl, what is it?  
Carl-I saw it! I saw it!  
Frylock-What did you see?  
Carl-A snake! A huge, freakin' snake!

Frylock turns to Shake.

Frylock-See?! I told you there was a snake.  
Shake-Frylock, there is no snake. It's just a government cover-up.

Carl can be heard yelling in the background again. ATHF just seems to forget about him though.

Frylock-Cover up of what?  
Shake-...Guarding the skin?  
Frylock-(sighs) Well, Carl, I...

Frylock turns around, only to notice Carl is gone, but, he sees the tail end of something escaping down a hole, in the floor of the bedroom. Frylock quickly goes over to the hole and looks down it.

Frylock-Damnit! The snake got away with Carl.  
Shake-I told you. There is no snake!  
Frylock-Then, what did I just see go down that hole?  
Shake-Meatwad.  
Frylock-Meatwad?... But, I didn't see him...

Shake grabs Meatwad and throws him own the hole.

Shake-See? Problem solved.  
Frylock-Shake!

Frylock looks down the hole again.

Frylock-Meatwad, are you ok?  
Meatwad-Yeah, I think so.  
Frylock-Can you see anything?  
Meatwad-Yeah... dark... Frylock, I'm scared.  
Frylock-Don't worry, Meatwad. I'm coming to get you.  
Shake-Well, I'm gonna go watch TV then.  
Frylock-No, Shake. You're coming with me.  
Shake-(groans) Do I have to?  
Frylock-Yes, you do. You threw him down there.  
Shake-He tripped! Didn't you see him?  
Frylock-You picked him up and threw him in!  
Shake-...So, what are you trying to say?  
Frylock-(sighs) Come on.

-Cut to Frylock and Shake in the hole-

Frylock has a flashlight.

Shake-Can we go now?  
Frylock-No, we need to find Carl and Meatwad, before that Snake eats them.  
Shake-What do I keep telling you? There is no giant snake!  
Frylock-You keep denying this so much... I think you're trying to cover something up.  
Shake-...No, I'm not.  
Frylock-Yes, you are. I can tell.  
Shake-How?  
Frylock-Whenever you try to cover something up, you say you had nothing to do with it, repeatedly, even when I don't ask if you did it or you play dumb and ask how something got there, even when I already told you how it got there. Like, the time you lied about what happened to my cheesecake.  
Shake-Magical pixies ate it. I told you that.  
Frylock-Ok. Then, what about the time you flushed Meatwad down the toilet?  
Shake-Carnivorous elephants.

-Hours pass...-

Frylock-And what about the time you drove those Girl Scouts out to the desert, took their cookies and left them there?  
Shake-...Ronald Reagan?  
Frylock-Ronald Rea... Ronald Reagan?!  
Shake-Yes... The zombie version.  
Frylock-If we didn't have to look for Meatwad and Carl, I would so give you the ass whoopin you deserve, but, since there are more important things at hand, I'll give it to you later.

Then, the yells of Carl and Meatwad can be heard.

Frylock-Where's that coming from?  
Shake-The house. Possibly the TV.

Shake tries to leave, but Frylock grabs him and they continue down the hole. Eventually, they come to the snake's liar.

Frylock-Oh my god!

The snake is gigantic and resembles a garden snake. The snake is currently coiled up, but the outlines of Meatwad and Carl can be seen within the snake.

Shake-Wow.. So, that's what the radiation did.  
Frylock-What?! What radiation?!  
Shake-Umm... nothing?  
Frylock-No, Shake. I knew you had something to do with this. So, either you tell me or I'll feed you to the snake and, after eating Carl and Meatwad, I'm sure he's in the mood for something to drink.  
Shake-Fine! Fine! I'll tell... (sighs) I bought this Dukes Of Hazzard ashtray off of eBay and instead I got this radioactive waste.  
Frylock-That doesn't seem right.  
Shake-No, it doesn't.

Silence.

Frylock-Well?  
Shake-Well, what?  
Frylock-Why are you responsible for the giant snake?  
Shake-Well, I... (mumbles)  
Frylock-What?  
Shake-(mumbles)

Frylock smacks Shake.

Frylock-Speak up, damnit!  
Shake-Ow! OK! OK!... Well, since I couldn't throw the radioactive waste in the woods, ya know, because they hate me and all.  
Frylock-(sighs)  
Shake-I did the next best thing. I dumped it in Carl's garden. I mean, (starts to laugh) how was I supposed to know a garden snake would be in a garden?  
Frylock-Well, since you're responsible for it, you have to get rid of it.  
Shake-But, I had a full day planned. I was going to... take dance lessons?

Frylock smacks Shake again.

Shake-Alright, fine! I'll do it!

Shake gets closer to the snake.

Shake-Hey... umm... Giant snake... Make sure you digest Carl and Meatwad fully, because we really don't need them back.  
Frylock-Ohh, screw this!

Frylock charges up his eyes and shoots lasers at the snake, destroying it. Meatwad and Carl come flying out of it.

Frylock-Meatwad, are you ok?  
Meatwad-I think so.  
Frylock-What about Carl?  
Shake-I think he's dead.

Shake is poking Carl in the eye, with a stick.

Shake-Yeah, he's dead.

-Cut to ATHF, coming out of Carl's house-

Frylock-Well, I'm glad that's over.  
Meatwad-Yeah. This would make a cool movie... like... "Attack Of The Giant... umm.. Hippie."  
Shake-Speaking of TV, let's go watch some.

Shake goes to walk off, but a big, green foot stomps down in front of him. It's a giant dandelion.

Giant Dandelion-Dandelion smash!  
Frylock-Ohh, what the ?

-Credits-

by Whitedragon777


End file.
